I Wanted to Retire at 40

I was a worried man at 22. I thought I was 23, which tells you how much to trust the rest of what I wrote back then. I am still a worried man at almost 40.

In 2009 I started a blog called The Worried Man and kept it going, on and off, for about eight years. It was angry and it set out to provoke. Most of it was about religion, written by someone who had stopped believing and wanted everyone to know.

The domain lapsed years ago. This month I went looking for what was left, with a script on the home server, two web archives and my own inbox, and got back 84 posts out of about 124.

In September 2009 I wrote one called "God Knows", after a friend told me an atheist knows as much about God as a sweeper knows about the sky. Seventeen years later I had the same argument over drinks with someone who believes. I have not changed my mind about any of it, and it still went better than it ever did on the blog, because this time I did not disrespect the person across the table. On the blog, I did.

I grew to realise that I don't have to change people, or make them more like me. They are fine as they are, just as I am. I can still go toe to toe, and now I know when to quit.

So the archive stays an archive. I am not bringing those posts here.

One post is the exception, because it explains the name. It is the first one, from 15 July 2009, and it is called "Why am I a Worried Man at 23?!". Most of it is a list of worries. Here are some of them as he wrote them, typos included, with where each one stands now.

We are all worried if Sachin Tendulkar will play next game

I stopped following cricket. It is Formula 1 now, and Lewis Hamilton, an athlete who uses his platform for positive change.

I am worried if I will be able to see Ice Age 3 in theater

The sixth one comes out in February.

I am worried if the Matrix movie is true

After the disaster of the fourth film, I don't want it to be true or fake.

I am worried why the Pepsi at 20 rupees is not getting about in market

Twenty rupees. Dream. The Pepsi hardcore is a Coke Zero guy now.

the IT job cut downs

It is AI job cuts now.

I am 23 and I want to retire at 40

Maybe 47.

at least I don't have to worry about having the perfect girlfriend, I already solved that issue

I married her.

This is how he ended it.

We are always alone in our worries, with no one to share our worries with, who will understand us completely. Our worries make us what we are, shapes us and molds us to what we will become. Our worries are our dreams expressed when we are awake. Our worries makes us human. I am worried.